15 months ago, I picked up a barbell
8 months ago, I began powerlifting
3 months ago, I started preparing for my first powerlifting competition
3 days to go until competition day
I’m not the person I was 15 months ago trying to lift a 15lb aluminum bar with ten pounds to now - about to lift in front of a room full of spectators. I’ve gone through three months of hard training and now days away, I have one thing on my mind: I’m completely and utterly not ready enough yet.
It’s the exact thought that I had when I signed up for the competition and still this same nagging fear. I have tried visualizing, that’s what you are supposed to do right? Pretending you nail everything so by the time it actually happens it’s like second nature. I see myself hearing the command, “Start, press, rack” and I am so strong that the crowd is thinking, “Damn that girl is da bomb!” Yeah, I’ve done all of that and that damn feeling won’t go away.
I’m up against girls that have much more experience and training than me, no wonder I feel that way. I am prepared, I pushed my body and mind and I am the strongest that I have been my whole life but who can say they will be okay even if they don’t win it all? Through it all, I have come to realize that it is only me on that platform. If I compared myself to every lifter, then I would never show my face at a meet. Yes, I’m competing but the biggest competition will be against myself. And even if I do not feel ready enough, I am set to take myself on this Saturday.
With most things in life, you will never feel ready enough for the new. You will never know what it feels like to pick up a barbell or compete until you actually do it. I’ve learned to become completely okay with feeling afraid, with having fear of the unknown. Knowing I may or may not be the best but choosing to perform anyways. I’m not who I was when I started, I will not be the same after Saturday, and I will be even better another year from now. So ready or not, start, press, rack.