I have worked in childcare ever since I could hold a baby and one thing I have come to realize is that mothers, despite their greatest efforts, will always feel that they have never done enough for their child. My mom, on multiple occasions, has expressed feeling that she did not do everything she could have for my brother and I, that her actions are the reason why we sometimes can’t get our shit together. I have experienced it as a nanny, when I have felt the weight of not knowing if I’m doing everything to help her blossom into an intelligent, caring, joyful person. Maybe for this reason, we have a day dedicated to telling mothers just how much who they are has grown us in beautiful ways. Here is my attempt to share how grateful I am to be her daughter. Enjoy :)
Words will never do you justice for every letter and syllable, no matter how thoughtfully strung together will ever carry the weight of what it means to have your unconditional love.
You and I have talked about unconditional love about what it means exactly to love each other without requirements. I don’t think it is always easy to look at me and let go of everything you pictured once as you held me when I was younger, when you could hug and kiss me infinitely and without protest. With time, I witness that we have grown together. I am able to see the beauty that you are after the ebb and flow of balancing life and holding me so closely. With age I am able to admire you more deeply for all that you are and with grace you have adapted to who I am choosing to become.
When I am lost, unknowing of which choice in life will make me happier, you always guide me back to what it means to experience myself and life in love, patience, and gratitude. Unknowingly, through you I am able to recognize exactly what living life in such a way looks because you are an angel. A person who always overextends themselves to embrace others. A person that has sacrificed time, energy, and hours of sleep for me and for everyone that is blessed enough to feel your love.
As I find my place, I can always find you there. Having you with me exceeds any attempt that you have at doing everything exact by me. You are perfect in your own right, in all the ways only a mother can be. For that, you will always have done enough and will always be enough to me.
I love you forever