At any age, there will always be work to be done with the relationships with people in our life. People leave us, they fuck up, they don’t listen to us, they pour scalding hot liquid onto our insecurities and unless you’re freaking Mother Mary, it is difficult not to feel burned. So we fight... we return fire with fire or we passive aggressively wreck them. When we see that no matter what we say or don’t say, that these people will not change. When we recognize that fighting is useless, we take it all in and implode instead. We start believing their hurtful words and begin believing that there is a glaring fault in us that makes it hard for them to stay, or be kind, or listen.
It was when I started to believe the pain of others’ words and actions that my mom told me perhaps one of the most important things she ever taught me. It is the most beautiful yet unintentional string of words on the planet:
“Honey, everyone has their bags of shit”
Not glamorous but truly profound if you think about it, right? Everyone has years of baggage that we carry around with us all the time. Everyone experiences insecurity and pain. Me, you, and the person that royally f*#ks you. All of us have this bag of shit in common and we want people to forgive our shit storm and pardon us when we lose it and bring them down with us. However, letting other people off the hook for their failings proves to be the hardest thing we do.
People will continually show up in our life and thrust their pain onto us, harming our ego in the process. The natural thing to do is begin to harbor animosity toward them. We believe that if we just give this person the roast session of a lifetime letting them know of all the hurt they have caused us, then it would finally free us from the weight they added to our baggage. However, the toxicity of holding that pain prove to hurt us more than it hurts them.
We can’t be Mother Mary but forgiveness, without condoning the behavior, is the quickest way to stop taking other people's bag of shit so damn personally.
Forgive those that couldn’t love you how you needed to be loved
Forgive them for not trying harder to understand you
Forgive people for projecting their own insecurities on you
Forgive those that do not support you
Forgive them for going through life not knowing how to handle their own pain
Forgive them because, just like them, you deserve to be freed from the pain that others have caused you. We deserve to lighten the load on our bag of shit.