In a society driven by sex, it is interesting to think that when it comes down to it, most people do not actually understand sex as much as they think they do. My family, a fiery group dominated by females, spoke about sex frequently. In hearing their stories, I understood the inner-workings of connecting with someone in bed in theory. In actuality, I was merely grasping sex from other people’s perspective. It became sorely obvious later that I was inept in the art of aligning who I was before with the sexual side of myself.
Many people do not have the privilege of having a safe environment to discuss the topic of sex with their family but I believe that everyone can recognize that there are aspects of sex that they wish they had grasped earlier.
Although sex looks very different when you are in the hookup scene when compared to a relationship, the underlying principles of the act remain the same.
Sex will be a hell of a lot better when you learn to be your own advocate in bed. We have this idea that people with more experience are better in bed. Although this person may have a bit more knowledge about sex, they are completely inexperienced in having sex with YOU. You are an uncharted territory for them and the more vocal you are about mapping out your preferences, the more enjoyable it will be for both of you. It is not selfish to have desires that you wish to be satiated. In fact, it is exceptionally easy to think that your partner sucks in the sack when you do not make it known that you do not like your hair pulled that hard or prefer being touched a certain way.
However, knowledge about what you like and don’t like can only be found out when you are willing to explore yourself with and without someone...Yes, I did say WITHOUT. Sex usually leads to exploration with the right partner - one who is patient and open to learning with you. Nevertheless, how can you expect a person to navigate your body if you have no clue what is going on down there? You should not continue to be ignorant to what your body enjoys.
At some point, you must let go of what you believe sex is supposed to look like and allow yourself to be in tune with what is. When we grasp on to the idea that sex should be rough, gentle, or a movie scene, the longer we let our mind and preconceived notions control the sexual encounter. Sex is whatever the hell you want it to be with you and the way you feel in that moment with your partner.
Sex is very much driven by our minds, which is why we must change the way we look at connecting with others sexually. You must be prepared to establish your own understanding about your body and sex, especially when it deviates from others’ advice and stories. It should no longer be taboo to be open about the fact that there is sexual side to you, especially with those that have the privilege of gaining access to your body. If you are ready to have sex or even if you definitely are not, the fact remains that you must honor your body, your exploration, and your choices.