#RelationshipGoals: Buy me Nikes or we are done

Social media is my playground for every goal I have to date. I see it now… Fresh new Nikes wrapped nicely and waiting for me just because or pushing the grocery cart when I’m hanging off the edge because I want to feel the wind in my nappy hair when I go down the ice cream isle. Now that’s #relationshipgoals.

Trust me I can whip out my phone and show you the three separate color-coded Pinterest boards I have for every topic...relationship goals, friendship goals, and even parent goals. My dad says that it isn’t real life but he is just one sly comment away from being exchanged for the awesome parents I have pinned in my collection.

But he is right and I’ve come to see that my collections don’t always fit me. It doesn’t work when I’m fighting with my significant other because I’m being sensitive and stubborn. My goals are thrown to the side when all my friends are at work and I eat my lunch alone. Let me tell you that they sure as hell don’t translate when my mom tells me what to do when I’m grumpy and tired at 8 a.m.

Every time I think that we can all poop rainbows and butterflies and be exactly like my #goals, I get a swift punch of the truth. I realize that these type of goals I aren’t my reality. Every relationship I have with people in my life is unique. Let’s just say that they all have their own culture. No two are exactly alike and some are more accepted than others. However, the times I feel the most unhappy in any relationship is when I have expectations that do not fit the culture we have created together. The person I am working to create a healthy bond with doesn’t always look or act like my hopes and dreams. In reality, the more I think I will have Nikes at my doorstep, the more disappointed I become.

Beyond social media and pinterest boards, life has never been a one-size-fits-all thing. It has taken a lot of tears and fistfulls of curls to figure out that what is right for me is up to… me *cue aha moment*. Sometimes, what happens in my relationships goes above what works for others. Sometimes, when I stop looking beyond for the answers, I find that the norms and dominating opinions don’t always apply. Only between us is where I find everything beautiful about connecting, openly communicating, and caring for another person. That beauty doesn’t fit in mega pixels, it doesn’t always feel like ice cream and wind in my hair, but I know for sure that it’s real as hell.

It's Okay to Act "Thirsty": How to be Honest About What you Want and Not Look Crazy

Raw honesty is a rare trait nowadays because we want to manage how we appear to others. Honesty is often misconstrued as being aggressive or “thirsty”. Why would we want to take that chance at ripping off the bandage when it could be taken so poorly? After all, we want to appear as the person who looks at thirsty people and says “I’m too hydrated to ever look that eager or demanding.” Ultimately, we just don’t want to seem like the “crazy girl” about life.

But- when did it become so hard to say how we freaking feel? When did it become more acceptable to go out of our minds before we can open our mouths and ask for what we want?

We revert to leaving signs. You want to know where you stand with someone so you beat around the bush. You play it cool, you tell them you’re going out or that someone tried to hit on you today. You try to make it so blatantly obvious that this is the opportune moment to set some boundaries on where this is going instead of just coming out and saying: I like you, you seem to think I’m jazzy so what the heck are we? Then, I can move forward and treat this situation accordingly.

There comes a point when being completely and utterly honest beats the hell out of fighting through the guess work. Some days you need your significant other to love you a little harder or for your friends with benefits to know that you think they are cooler than just something to keep around for a midnight snack. It’s in those instances when you have to risk revealing that you aren’t always a go-with-the-flow person, that you too have needs and wants.


So, say how you freaking feel right now. If you were waiting for a sign, then this is it. There is little to nothing you could lose. So what if you the person doesn’t feel the same? So what if that person doesn’t have the time or capacity to love you the way you want? You go back to your normal life without of the weight of not knowing. Be the “crazy girl” about getting yourself peace of mind.