Are you Girlfriend Material?

Am I girlfriend material? Kind of a daunting question when I asked myself in such a straightforward way. The sort of question that causes you to look yourself in the mirror and contemplate your life while brushing your teeth. I looked down at my unshaved legs (I don’t care if it’s been 3 weeks Mom. I have a strict policy about shaving), my top bun, and the bruises on my legs from deadlifting. Are girlfriends supposed to look like this? Scratch the looks portion, I will just reassess every past relationship for the 50th time and find my answer.

I revisited my past and realized that all of my time as a girlfriend, a side hoe, a “wifey-material-but-not-enough-to-commit-to” was proof that that maybe I wasn’t girlfriend material after all. In the past, I always thought it took being myself. But not really myself. The “better” version of me. The kind that was insanely giving with the uncanny ability to control my crazy enough to be as cool as Netflix’s best friend Chill. Oh and also somehow become a person that did not fart or poop at all. So, a phony really that could not make it as an acceptable partner. How could someone enjoy my company when I was cookie cutting out my rough edges just to be something to someone?

However, there was a shift, an aha moment of sorts in my view of what relationship material actually means. The more I dated by being phony, the more I desperately needed and subsequently found my “Eat, Pray, Love” moment in life...minus the love part. So really just me eating and taking a divine sabbatical from all things dating. The more I ate, the more I dug through my own crap. The more I sifted through my baggage and looked at it from different angles, the more I began to welcome it. And the more I allowed myself to shamelessly embrace it like a woman does to a wine bottle, the more I saw that my perfect partner was right in front of me the whole time: Me. I stopped trying so damn hard to be girlfriend material and become more me material.

I learned the most about myself in my few year flirtation with the nun life. The great reveal is that I did in fact discover the rather small way to be girlfriend material:

Let that shit go right now. Trying to find out what makes you perfect for a relationship is possibly the reason that it is so hard to date. More likely than not, the person you need to date is the prickly legged person staring at yourself in the mirror. Grab a razor and take yourself on a date. I guarantee you the moment you begin letting go of your attempts at love is the moment that the universe will deliver you the material you’ve been asking for.

IPhones may be the Reason You Cannot Commit

Apple should be to blame for my commitment issues. The company keeps putting out new, state of the art models every few months, making me question my decision to buy a phone now when the Iphone 7s plus squared will be out in one short year? It seems in many respects that this generation has come to treat others like we treat Iphones. We have become fixated on the possibility of something better coming along. Why make a decision now, when we could have the bigger and better somewhere down the road?

The IPhone syndrome comes about when you take the “we’re just talking” route with people. That phrase of “we’re just talking” was popularized for the sole fact that people prefer to be entertained by someone than commit to them. You could “talk” to someone for months and send cute “good morning” texts every day but never really dive into the decision to date them. Just admit that you too have been plagued just like me. We are afflicted by indecision, by the possibility that in choosing we may be settling for something less.

The difference between settling and committing is simply the choice to be present. If you spent less effort chasing what seems to be more impressive, then it would be easier to understand if your decision is what is fitting for you. By fearfully warding off commitment with a ten yard stick, you may be overlooking the fact that what you have could be better than what is outwardly appealing. That the person you are “talking” to is actually really awesome and i could be the right choice, if you put down your stick for a second and embrace what is happening right now.

Indecision to a certain degree is a way to discern what is right. However, we can no longer use others as a playing ground for our indecision. We cannot forfeit being in the moment because the illusion that the bigger and better may be around the corner. We may not always be able to make a decision but we can actively choose to remain open to what life is offering us. We can buy the IPhone 6s because it is the best decision for us now and now is the best thing to commit to.