Your Resolution is Basic and Sucks: Why The Only Goal in 2017 Should be to Look like a Complete Idiot and be Less Ashy

Everyone keeps asking me what I want to accomplish in 2017. Instead of telling them that all I really want is to make a fire mixtape or create a “New Year, New Me” goal that will likely explode into flames, I wanted to go against the rest of the population and think of something radically different. I do not want to arrive in December 2017 saying, “Well I really took a leap and got bangs. Oh, I also put lotion on more regularly so I’m finally less ashy.” Therefore, after much thought and deliberation, I have decided on a goal that would really change everything.

In 2017, I vow to look like a fool for anything I find important.

I’m sure I looked like an idiot many times this past year but I swear Mom it was not intentional and I didn’t mean to embarrass you. This time, I’m going to embarrass you with a purpose.

In my mind, I have always assumed that living without regrets looked something getting hammered before a deadline or putting extra toppings on our froyo because YOLO, right? But I want to take it one level further.

I want to be ridiculously vulnerable and unapologetic about anything I value because the more I look around, the more I realize how much I and so many people in my generation operate from a place of fear. We are scared what will happen if we try or even look like we are trying for someone or something completely out of our league. To tell others our straightforward, raw feelings, to drop the idea that “catching feelings” is a bad thing, to go out on a limb and look ridiculous for life.

We all pretend that the new year will make us workout more, bring love into our lives, and make us promise to put more damn lotion on but that’s not everything. Little goals hide behind the overwhelming fact that we do not give ourselves enough time and attention to feel comfortable with being seen. We neglect the root of our issues, we make light of things that hurt, we do everything possible to escape the necessity of self-awareness and vulnerability.

I have done all of that and perhaps deep down, I’ve always felt undeserving. Maybe I don’t feel secure in the fact that I am worthy of the things that bring light into my life. What if I, Cassie, don’t meet the requirements for this love, this school, this job, or this experience? It has become an obsession that has kept me from the possibility of looking like a complete idiot for things that I want.

In 2017, I will try to fail hard and repeatedly without adding it to my 17 part rumination as to why I may be undeserving. I will attempt to live without regrets that I didn’t do something for my happiness and well-being because I was afraid and unsure of myself. At any given moment, I will strive give up my pride and my fear in order to look stupid for anything meaningful. Next December, I will not have to sit and wonder what the hell I accomplished because, even if I’m still ashy or still haven’t made a successful mixtape for all of you, I will have lived honestly, intentionally, and openly for once.

Are we Positive I'm Not Adopted: How to Deal When You Realize Your Parents Are NOT Perfect

There comes a point in every adult’s life when we are forced to ask ourselves: “Are we 100% positive that I’m not adopted?”

Sometimes life reveals a new side to your parents that is difficult to initially comprehend fully. You have come a long way from looking at your mom or dad and thinking it’s magical that they could get the straw in your CapriSun on the first time, every damn time. When it’s no longer about stabbing your CapriSun a zillion times but trying to figure out life, you look to the people that should know everything and they don’t.

It happens when you see your parents differently and you are compelled to take them off the pedestal. You finally grasp that they are flawed. You find out they don’t have the answers or even know the right questions to ask sometimes. And my goodness you also can’t believe they let you eat that crap food when you were younger! It proves to be beyond shocking and you think “Holy shit! They are so human it’s kind of hard to look at.”

After you get over the initial surprise, the next obvious thing to do is to blame then for our fuck-ups. They are the reason you have commitment issues and are awkward as heck. You take them off the pedestal and you look down on them for falling so hard off of their once glorified position.

However, a shift happens the moment you see them anew once again. You see yourself in them. You see that just like you, they didn’t and still don’t know what the hell they are doing sometimes. You begin to understand that they have experiences that you will never even begin to comprehend. You forgive them for not knowing or recognizing how to better care for you when they were trying to figure themselves out in the process.You unfold the layers of humanness and find that, like most people in life, they love you in the only way they know how. Maybe that love isn’t what you wanted or even needed, but the love is there.

You pick them up off the floor where they fell and you place them next to you. You no longer look up or down on them but for once you see eye to eye. You stand next to them, in all your humanness and imperfections, and this time without pedestals.