Forgiving Sh*theads: The Quickest Guide to Dealing with People that Royally Screw Us Up

At any age, there will always be work to be done with the relationships with people in our life. People leave us, they fuck up, they don’t listen to us, they pour scalding hot liquid onto our insecurities and unless you’re freaking Mother Mary, it is difficult not to feel burned. So we fight... we return fire with fire or we passive aggressively wreck them. When we see that no matter what we say or don’t say, that these people will not change. When we recognize that fighting is useless, we take it all in and implode instead. We start believing their hurtful words and begin believing that there is a glaring fault in us that makes it hard for them to stay, or be kind, or listen.

It was when I started to believe the pain of others’ words and actions that my mom told me perhaps one of the most important things she ever taught me. It is the most beautiful yet unintentional string of words on the planet:

“Honey, everyone has their bags of shit”

Not glamorous but truly profound if you think about it, right? Everyone has years of baggage that we carry around with us all the time. Everyone experiences insecurity and pain. Me, you, and the person that royally f*#ks you. All of us have this bag of shit in common and we want people to forgive our shit storm and pardon us when we lose it and bring them down with us. However, letting other people off the hook for their failings proves to be the hardest thing we do.

People will continually show up in our life and thrust their pain onto us, harming our ego in the process. The natural thing to do is begin to harbor animosity toward them. We believe that if we just give this person the roast session of a lifetime letting them know of all the hurt they have caused us, then it would finally free us from the weight they added to our baggage. However, the toxicity of holding that pain prove to hurt us more than it hurts them.

We can’t be Mother Mary but forgiveness, without condoning the behavior, is the quickest way to stop taking other people's bag of shit so damn personally.

Forgive those that couldn’t love you how you needed to be loved

Forgive them for not trying harder to understand you

Forgive people for projecting their own insecurities on you

Forgive those that do not support you

Forgive them for going through life not knowing how to handle their own pain

Forgive them because, just like them, you deserve to be freed from the pain that others have caused you. We deserve to lighten the load on our bag of shit.

The Young Adulthood Guide to Happiness: How to Ask for Advice but Politely Disregard Everything They Say

There comes a time in adulthood when you realize that everyone has an opinion about what you should do. When you were a child, it made sense to listen to the advice of others. However, in adulthood you have the right to finally choose to politely not give a f*#k.

What happens though when years of listening causes us to look to others to know if we are going the right way? It’s the paradox of young adulthood you see… we can choose to disregard everything we have been told and do what we want; yet we still deeply crave to look to others for guidance, for support, or to tell us “hell no” when we are about to meet up with that shitty ex that no one liked... LITERALLY NO ONE.

Maybe we will never grow out of that need to be guided. Even the wisest people will grow and expand with the help from others. Perhaps the point is not to stop listening but rather begin understanding that blind acceptance of right and wrong is not what creates new experiences.

You see, life will give us experiences that make us feel lost. Instead of problems with crappy exes, it will be asking how we know it is the right time to move on. Instead of asking if it is safe to eat expired food, we wonder if it’s too soon to have children or get married or make a career change. People will likely share their opinions on all of the above. They will tell you their experiences and all the ways in which you should avoid their mistakes. But that is just it... It is their life experience and their mistakes and that does not necessarily mean they will be yours.

At some point, we have to cut the crap of looking to others when we know what is right for us. We have to learn that we have this thing called intuition and feelings in our gut that will tell us what will work even when all the advice seems to be pointing elsewhere. That it’s not too late or too soon to move on from a person or make a drastic career change.

We all need guidance. However, the longer you live, you realize that you are responsible for your own happiness. You, yourself should understand what feels right to you. Maybe you’ll mess up or maybe you’ll make a terrible decision in spite of people advising you otherwise. And when you f#*k up, the best and most beautiful thing about it is that you will have done so on your own account. You will not have missed out on life because someone told you to stay away. You will not have to second guess for once that you are exercising your freedom to experience and grow. You will have made choices living your life rather than wondering if you are merely following someone else’s footsteps.